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| Monday, November 27, 2006 at 8:21 PM |
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Sadness prevaiils - me
nobody cares
i feel so invisible
no one is talking to me
i feel like a mute at home
nobody cares about me
they treat me like a stranger
or maybe a piece of glass
we dun talk
we shout at each other
is it mii?
or is it them??
i dun wanna stay home anymore
i feel hurt
lonely
lost
and hell
the weather is not making anything better
please let me start work once i am finished with my chalets
this home is too cold to live in anymore
i scared i will freeze soon
cant help but cry when they are having fun without me
did i do something wrong?
no mood to do anything but mope
please come back soon dear
i need you
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Sunday, November 26, 2006 at 7:05 PM |
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Why do happy tiimes have to pass so damn fast
while sad tiimes seeems to take foreever? -me
highlight of the week: 25th council chalet =)
chalet: 125$
food: 60$
skates overnight rental: 15$
mahjong rental set: 15$
time: <24hrs
people: 12 + 5 teachers
memories and fun: priceless ^^
heex
after reading xiang's blog entry on the chalet
i really dunno wad to write le
hahax
cox abt the same xp
i jux wanna say that
i have
loads and loads and loads and loads and loads (tends to infinity)...
of FUN!!
lolx
been so long since the few of us can come together and play =)
some hilarious times is during mahjong bahx
teaching mahjong to a chinese is already diffcult
imagine teaching a filiphino
hahax
its hard cox got a lot of phrase we dunno how to translate to english
so muriel have to learn them in chinese
and her pronounciation of some jux send us laughing xp
skating was fun =D
heex
i didnt fell down at all worx *claps*
all is nearly but i never went down to my knees xp
hahahax
ern san was at east coast too =)
he was camping with his frenx at the beach -.-
they a bit bo liaox
hahax
took a cabbie home with esther, weixiang and sinkuan =)
went redhill to find dear
heex
msg the three of them that i tink the taxi uncle took a detour
den they ask me the meaning of detour -.-
zzz
lolx
dear had to booked in by 7.30pm today
instead of 9.30pm
cox last week a lot of ppl late den its like a punishment for them
had lesser time with him today
but kind of use to it le =)
my schedule for the coming week is VERY tight worx
from tue, 28nov - 30nov -----> s20 chalet
den straight after 1st dec - 3rd dec -----> 4e2 chalet
wah x.X
tight sia
den maybe this week michelle may call me down for understudy
argh
hope everything wun clash
i wanna join them =(
i tink i will go for both chalet
but maybe not the full 3 days bahx
now mux wait for michelle's call or sms
cox once i noe the work schedule den i can plan everything
tink of starting work quite sianx
but no choice
mii ish poor xp
argh
wad a busy upcoming week
hope it will be enjoyable =)
oh well, chengjoo will survive!! ^^
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Thursday, November 23, 2006 at 9:04 PM |
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iif only everythiing iis a siimple as a piiece of paper - me
weetx
jux got home from the outing
hahax
quite fun =)
went goodwood park hotel for high tea
the food is very nice!! =D
heex
but quite ex sia =p
was there for about 2 hours
talking
crapping
eating
laughing
reminising
joking
and poking fun of each other especially towards ms tan =p
hahax
went scotts, borders and heerens next
saw a lot of JJcians worx
hahax
mostly J1s
lolx
den got one very funny
he with a bunch of people
den when we walking facing them
they keep staring (according to ms tan den she tot they looking at me and sinkuan xp)
den when we walk past them
they said 'that one JJ teacher ar?' very loudly
den we all turn back to look at them
den we laugh
funny sia
i mean
u wan comment aso dun need so loud wad
hahax
but quite comical la xp
after heerens we went home
cox late le
den weixiang tired le
lolx
typical guys
made for sports but never shopping -.-
hahax
weird sia xp
going to east coast with my beloved 25th tml =D
yeahs!!!
we are going to blade and bbq and chalet =)
wee~
i wanna play play play!! *claps*
lolx
i miss my 25th
heex
pray that tml wun rain *pray hard* *cross fingers*
chengjoo had a wonderful day!! =D
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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iits always when we lost iit den we wiill start to treasure iit
why cant we ever learn? - me
i feel lost
confused
its like theres no motive in waking up in the morning
i tink everyone else is feeling lidat
but hell
it feels real bad
make me hot tempered too
and frustrated
and down
argh >.<
theres like a fear in me
i dunno wad is it about
like i dun have anything to fall back on anymore
i mean
during Os
i noe that i am going to poly or jc
cox i am well prepared
but now
i got a feeling that i am going to flunk my As
den i am starting work soon
its like i dunno wad will happen to me next year
if i cant go uni
i gotta study
can i make way for studies and work?
i dunno
i am scared that i cant cope
hell
okaes..i really worries for my future
zzz
going out with ms tan, xiang and sinkuan for lunch later
at some hotel in orchard
hahax
i forget the hotel name liaox
maybe update again tonitex
hope i will have fun
its finally thursday
dear will be back tml
i miss him so much
cox i always felt so alone without him
no offence to all my frenx
cox they have their committments and i understand
but i really feels kinda lonely when i dun have any plans for the day
and have to slack at home or go out alone
oopx..chengjoo is such a whiner =x
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Wednesday, November 22, 2006 at 1:41 PM |
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Somehow
Sometiimes
Somethiings
jux never goes our Way - me
went for the interview at Burlington Square this morning with sinkuan
in a nutshell
details of the job is as follows:
working hours - mon to fri 9.30 to 2030, sat to sun 1130 t0 1930
work from mon to sun but will have 1 day leave per week depending on roster
pay wise - 1 hr 7$ with no OT
rough calculation of per month pay - 1600.42$
job scope - handling call, data entries, serving walk-in customers, roadshows memorise all promotions (theres a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot of them -.-) able to carry redemption goods
able to handle even the toughest customers
hmmx
its tough in a way
as this job focus more on relations with ppl
how u handle them etc
can i do it?
i dunno lehx
i tink i can
but the working hours...
means limited outings
limited going out time with dear
long hours in office >.<
haix
talk about sacrifices...
will be going for understudy next week
hope that its wun clash with my class chalet =(
pray the i can handle this job
and everything will be jux fine
at the end of the day
is everything really worthwhile??
*imissyou*
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Tuesday, November 21, 2006 at 6:42 PM |
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Embraciing the Worlld wiith open arms - me
have been around bugis for the past 2 days
yesterday went there shop
hahax
i tink me and sinkuan really really manage to comb the whole street
hahax
saw a lot of nice nice clothes
but quite ex for me for now
hahax
earn money le den go there shop again xp
i tink i can stay there whole day =D
lolx
didnt buy anything yet
cox scared later work got dress code
den buy le aso not much chance to wear =p
was suppose to go for the job interview today
den when about to reach there le
the boss msg to say that she on mc today
so interview postpone to tml
zzz
sianx
its like only 1015am?! in the morning
me and sinkuan nearly died >.<
went mac where sinkuan ate breakfast again
hahax
den after that we rot there till 11+
after which we hit the streets again
not much shops are open =(
den i jux bought a pair of 3/4 denium pants that i really like
cost me 23$ initially
den sinkuan want the free belt that comes along with it
so she bear the 3$ =p
in the end i pay 20$ nia
hahax
chengjoo loves shopping kaes
its my therapy
retail therapy xp *claps*
feeling quite irritated at the moment cox theres 2 spammers in my taggy
zzz
they dun seem to understand me
and i tink its no use talking sense with them
and they still have the face to ask for PUBLIC apology
which dun even seem logical
i mean
there are millions of ppl who got hurt by love
doesnt matter is it the guy's or gal's fault
or is it due to lies or watever
i mean
so wat
u think u are so high and mighty
that u wan a PUBLIC apology??
oh please~
grow up la
(since apparently bystander says the jeff is jux a BOY and not a MAN)
i cant believe that i am arguing with KIDS *roll eyes*
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 11:07 AM |
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Her wiings are slowly mendiing
iits now up to her le - me
i am happy :)
had a wonderful weekend
full of slackings and laughter =D
hahax
didnt do much la
pass most of the time with dear by moi side =)
heex
played billard for the first time today
i tink i got talent xp
hahahx
i am good ok =p
its a little more difficult den pool
but i jux need practice xp
hahax
i am jill of all trades but so far master of none
Wahahax =p
couldnt wait to start work
hur hur xp
i need income!!
lolx
but i will aso be missing out playing time
hmmx
sometimes i wonder if its worth it
i mean
i will have plenty of time to work next time
a whole lifetime actually
so they say
so actually
since i have the time and opportunity to play now
i should play as much as i can
haix
but i am a poor kid
oh well
life is full of sacrifices and this is all part of life
Since this is the life that i have chosen
i shldnt turn back nor regret =)
its time for me to grow up!! =D
cant wait for tuesday to come >.<
if all is fine
tink starting work on wed
but we are going to have a council outing on fri
oh my
i wonder if i can take leave
dun seem possible
haix
they going to go blading
argh
i wanna roller blade!!!
zzz
pray that my boss will be nice *fingers crossed*
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Friday, November 17, 2006 at 11:28 PM |
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Start of somethiing new
my life - me
phew~
As are over!!
like finally
lolx =D
dun really feel the excitment though
hahahax
maybe cox i treat it to be over since long time ago
anyway
its a lot of weight off moi shoulders and heart
at least i can breathe now =p
went home and bath
and had my promised manicure at westmall xp
saw the 2 cute gals again
hahax
and they give me their hp numbers =)
weetx
new frenx =D
heex
meet up with weixiang and esther at jp after that
and coincidentally
i met my long lost childhood frenx there ie cindy!!
hahax
been damn long since i saw her lahx
she working at the small jewellery shop at the escalator there
lolx
help her advertise her shop =p
its selling nice necklaces and bracelets and couple rings with free engraving
hahax
nice nice worx xp
went eat dinner at long john's with xiang and esther
den we went VIVOCITY
hahax
like we leave jp at around 7.40pm
den reach there abt 8 plus le
though its late we still had fun thoough
and i realise that the oldest ship in theworld that sell books now is actually parked there
at harbourfront
hahax
didnt get a chance to go in though
cox late le
sad
anyway i tink VIVO is ok lo
the shops are quite high end shops den for ppl llike me
who have no income yet
well
we can only look and see
cant buy
unless u are some rich kid
well
den u can go shop there bahx
hahax
no offence xp
had a wonderful and relax day
looking forward to working next week
i need income ok
hahax
cox i wanna shop till i drop
hope i can make it for all the upcoming outings though
lets pray that my boss will be nice and let mii take leave
hahax >.<
she is finding hope in dreamx *imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Wednesday, November 15, 2006 at 10:06 PM |
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was bored after paper today
den dun feel like rotting at home
so start jio-ing ppl out
heex
in the end
me and sinkuan decide to go causeway point
hahax
we went watch movie
Material Girls
got Hilary and Haylie Duff
they damn chio lahx
and they are sisters in set and reality
hahax
girls should watch
quite nice =D
guys want see chio gals aso can go watch
but i tink u will fall asleep cox of the plot
hahax
den we went walk walk
went metro find dresses to try
hahax
think of wat to wear from prom and stuff
took photos in the changing room
lolx
damn fun
photos with sinkuan though XD
time pass real fast sia
lolx
back at batok we went westmall to rot a while cox waiting for call
(work opportunities)
hahax
den we met this two real cute gals
they working for Maybelline fair at westmall atrium
hahax
actually want see see onli
den they say can try for free and we jux went along and play lo
they keep saying can try everything
cox free of charge de
lolx
at first thought they same age
but they onli 15 lahx!!
omg
they look more like 18 den me la
hahax
but they really very cute and talkative
den cox they need meet up with sales and i wanted buy mascara aso
den buy from them lo
help them a bit xp
in the end i got a cream eyeshadow and quite a lot of freebies
heex
fri need go back for free manicure cox we spent over $40
lolx
can see them and chat again =)
may start working next week le
meeting up with a prospective boss next tue
not sure wat i am gonna do aso
but will be very busy i tink
cox its a full full time job
hmmx
details will be next tue den noe bahx
see how
hope can get the job =)
i feel happy today
the first in many days
thanx sinkuan and god
hahax
for allowing me to meet wonderful ppl today =D
*imissyou*
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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love this pic..hahax..me and yan trying to make funny faces xp
(yan look like octopus..lolx..cute sia xp) |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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No t h in g i s as c ol d as a h e ar t o f s to n e - me
finally
physics paper 3
over and done with
the rope around my neck seems to have loosen abit
enough for my suffocating soul to breathe a lil more
dunno how i fare
dun wanna tink abt it
its time for me to look forward
wad happened had happpened
i cant change it
if praying help
pray for me k?
i need it
thanx
my heart has lighten a bit
the end of As is near
jux 2 days more
and i will be so damn free
i am worrying for the future now
worrying abt my results
heck
i shld be enjoying
looking forward to fri
but aso dreading it to come
cox it meant that everything is set
my As grade are all set
i cant change anything anymore after fri
hell
how to enjoy??
jux grant me a deep deep slumber can??
i wanna only all the good memories and forget all the bad ones
i wanna wake up afresh anew without any history
ok
i am dreaming
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Tuesday, November 14, 2006 at 10:30 PM |
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Finding the silver lining in the clouds...
searching for hope in despair...
looking out for the rainbow after the rain...
i am lost
can someone guide me along?
everything will and is suppose to turn out fine
so they say
i want to believe
is that hope itself?
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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Iindulging in my own black and white world - me
was the first to get out of the classroom after the paper
first to get out of the school
first to say goodbye to the security guard
plugged in my ipod
and i am in the world of my own
was tinking of walking home
but was a bit lazy
walk a bit of the way to take 187 instead pf 157 outside school
jux want to be alone
dun wanna meet any people that i noe
dun wanna make small talks
dun wanna pretend to be happy when i am not
dun wanna smile at all
for now
i wanna immerse myself in my sorrows
i dunno why
jux dun have the energy to feel happy or smile anymore
for now
i want attention
but i aso want to be left alone
for now
i tink i rather be alone
dun wanna people to waste their efforts cheering me up
dun wanna me to affect their mood
jux wanna cope myself up at home
and sulk
they say crying will make u feel better
u can pour out all ur unhappiness through tears
but why arent this true for me?
been crying and crying
day n night
after papers and before that
hell
i have to much tears
crying jux make me tired
saw golden orange leaves falling
and realise that its late autumn now
the leaves are falling
and falling
wun be long before winter comes
when ice and snow will cover the land
everything will be black and white
not here in singapore
but here in my heart
such a perfect coincidence
the season matches my heart
throwing myself into despairity
i wanna to see light again
cox light will bring colours to my world
s o m uc h f or my h ap p y en d in g w el c om e to m y l if e
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Monday, November 13, 2006 at 11:32 PM |
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Ever feel liike ur liife iis tickiing by?
ii tell you
that feeling sux - me
its half an hour to midnight
its my third post today
jux feel too low to do anything right
cant concentrate
cant focus
my mind is blank
my soul is hollow
empty inside
thanx for trying to cheer me dear
i am sorry
i jux cant smile anymore
maybe after all this nightmare i will be able to
but not now
stress level has gone beyond wat i can handle
i surrender
i will still go through the exams
but its jux a procedure
cramping info into my brain at this moment
not working at all
cant do anthing when heart and mind are not into it
jux tell me that i still have euu i need support
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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Th e Bo o k Of Da mna ti o n
damn me
i'm sorry
i cant be
perfect
the all-time low
never knew i could be so down
going down
falling
and falling
fell...
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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ii lost somethiing iimportant today
Cann someeone hellp mii fiind iit?
ii lost hope - me
physics paper 2
sux like hell
its a damn difficult paper
so they say
i cant do
i cant finish
i am so demoralised
i feel hollow inside
like theres nothing to look forward tomorrow or the day after
memydreamxmylife
gone
without hope
nobody can help me
not even myself
i tried
to stand up
but how can i stand when i am dealt with a blow
everytime i am squatting?
keep falling and falling
i had enough
really
a whole year of failing through everything
I HAD ENOUGH!!!
i aint going to be there to take my results next year
its too hurting
i shall jux try to tell myself that i nv was a jc student
i shall retake next year
start all over again
afresh
throw away all the bad memories
indulged myself in work and books and tuitions
i shall go uni in 2008
i shall stand up again
for now
let me jux fall
can?
feeling damn sad and empty now..who can cheer me up?
i doubt anyone can
i am sorry
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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| Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 10:40 AM |
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Everryone needs Lurrve - me
i am a s la c ke r
dun ask me why
the fact is i am
cox i am here
at this moment
waiting for time to pass
as in waiting for death
a s en s e of impending doom
wanna put my heart to mug
but i cant
i really cant
info arent going into my head
its scary in a s en se
i want everything to be over
but i dun wan the day i see my results to come
contradictions
jux let me disappear and be gone
arghh
the other day
ii told my mum
that if i fail
ii gonna retake my As as a private candidate
she look at me
she didnt say anything
jux told me to study wad i could now
and i love my mum for that
she nv pressure me
nv had high hopes
cox she jux wants me to do as well as i could
thats why for so many years
my studies had nv been a problem
i dun wanna disappoint her
cox i nv did
haix
but the truth is
i may
after 18 yrs
cox of the A levels
why does the st0opid paper ie certificate matters so much??
why is it that education worth so much??
why is it that people are judged by books and certs??
why cant i jux fail??
actually i can
but its jux my pride
i have prepared myself for the worse results
i told myself that at most i retake
at most i go uni 1 yr later den my peers
and that i am jux taking the longer route to uni
no harm or loss about that
or will i lose something?
*imissyou* |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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