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| Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 11:59 PM |
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was reading the latest issue of CLEO
(it finally came through the mail; my very first subscribed issue! Happy TTM!)
and there was this article about closure where it was advised that every closure had to be done by ourselves
it could be for someone who had left this world, someone whom you had broken up with, etc
so that the pain & the unpleasant memories could be subconciously forgotten
to be OVER YOU & OVER ME
this is very apt for me now
cause, due to whatever reasons, i had been reminiscing about the past recently
and no matter how many good things you remember, the bad ones will come
its nearly inevitable; how could you erase memories partially?
its either you remember or you forgot
so after reading that article, i decided that probably its time to close off some relationships
Permanently.
i much prefer the present status quo
& theres just no point in emo-ing about stuffs that you could never undo right?
shall take up one of the advise that the article advised (one that i used often too)
An open letter.
These people are not put in order and they will not be named.
Those who know, will know.
Lets start with A.
A was ok at first.
Then she became one of the bitch that hurt a group of us.
Details wise i couldnt remember anymore.
Anyways, being young, girls, and maybe just being plain mean
we ostracized, we gossipped, we backstabbed
she had her supporters though
then came the divide that shouldnt be there
it was so bad but i was so happily immersed with hatred (for what??), which doesnt really made sense,
she became the one person that i hated for years that came
then after all these years, i stumbled upon her on Facebook recently (ahh the wonders of FB eh)
the hate had disappeared, but not the irk
i realised that probably we can never be good friends ever in the first place
cause i just dont like her character. Period.
B was someone i thought would never like me but he did.
it was all fairytale cliche
we had those i-just-had-to-scan-the-crowd-for-you moments
& when our eyes met, the thrill of joy that came.
we never got together officially but we were more than friends.
then again, probably i was his recovery girl or it was karma for a come-between
cause he fell for another.
its a lot of hurt at that time but i couldnt hate him.
i just couldnt.
but just imagine the pain of seeing the one you loved with another. everyday.
he was happy though so i should be too and i am now.
C was a mistake.
my mistake.
he was my recovery guy.
seriously i couldnt remember much. i dont know why.
But i know i hurt him pretty bad.
i am sorry. Really sorry.
till today i still couldnt face him straight.
the guilt is bad.
but i guess he is much happier right now.
so i too shouldnt think too much into it anymore right?
let bygones be bygones.
Justin Biebar pretty much reminds me of D.
not because of his voice but probably cause of his face. Somehow.
it made watching Justin's MTV pretty horrifying because of all the unpleasant memories that surface.
Much to the irony since i really like Justin's songs
Anyways, D was the only someone i was happy to leave.
i was just never good enough for him in his eyes and he threatened me
thus he was no good for me.
i am truly glad our paths had never crossed since then and thus far.
I hope it stays this way.
E appeared at the wrong place and time.
We clicked but we didnt got together.
which i thought was a good thing now because i think our relationship would be an impulsive disaster.
it just happened that we needed some healings at that point of time
and we walked closer than we should.
but it got to a point when i was hurting too much so i called it off.
maybe he hated me for that. i would never know.
i called him the other day & thought of all the different scenorios that could surface if he answered
but all of them didnt happen.
Cause when he finally picked up, i wished that the call had went into the voicemail instead.
Anyways, i got over it.
Probably for us, the past should stay buried.
F was sweet.
Everything was so good at first.
but then came the ex who just couldnt mind her own business
plus the fact that she was so much more important
the torments came and i still had to give her an explanation?
what a bitch.
i could see so well that he was no good for her.
but then it became clearer to me that a guy like him would never be good for me
cause he still wants to be entangled with her.
then its the hurt all over again.
how many broken hearts could one have?
but its alright, we always heal after sometime
and i am glad my life is as it is now.
phew~~!!
to relieve each and everyone of these memories (those that i could still recall) again
its such a mind boggling thing to do
but i hope it will put a full-stop to each and everyone of them.
I am happier & my life is great now and that should be all that matters :) |
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xoxo, Amber ♥
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P.S. Just need a Click from you if there is any Nuffnang ad showing :D
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