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bonus!! ^^
Wednesday, February 18, 2009 at 10:37 PM
finally you are here :D
though not a lot
really not a lot
but market so bad
have better than dont have right?
LOLS
and you will come in feb's payroll!!
lalalalalas~~
meaning i could possibly get my chio HTC diamond :D
but i still got to think, got to plan, part of the money need to save etc..
hmmmx
hahahas
nevertheless, the bit more money makes me really happy ^^

some random pics at work :p
 count my kitties :p
LOLS
i swear most of the kitties that i collected are all on my table :p
so i am not really a fanatic am i?
hahahas

french braid :p
i remember took very long to learn how to tie this back in sch
hahahahas
took me very long to understand :p

okaes
now its the time to rant
about something that i felt very angry/unjust today
yupx
especially after the talk with agent regarding work

i think...
mistakes made in the corporate world are really never forgotten
much less forgiven
and i happened to learn it the hard way
if you are given a chance to prove them wrong and you did it
then good for you
but if you cant or arent even give that chance
then even if you did repent
its of no use
they cant see
no evidence
impressions run deeper in this world
nothing is simple
nothing appears as what it is
i hate it when people beat around the bush
just tell me straight la
why go one big round and shoot me with all the visible & invisible arrows?
fun mehx?

try standing in my shoes please
think for me
but, on second thoughts, i doubt u all would
who am i? ha...
just a small fry, a contract staff, a little girl
not worth wasting ur time to feel for me a bit

when i slogged, you all dont see
my job always seems so ever easy
never was i remembered for what i done right
but what i done wrong seems like ugly scars slashed across the face
neither forgotten nor be ignored..
this world is harsh
i knew it all along & nothing is fair
but still
its just different and worse when u are experiencing it altogether

you all can say its not ur job
because u got a defined jobscope
but how about me?
"all other adhoc duties"
who the hell invented the word "adhoc" you tell me!!??
so i cannot push anything away
and do u all still remember i am the only one doing what i am doing?
do i see help being offered?
no..
you think i like it when u all are ordered to help me??
i am not
but i really cannot cope already
tell me what else can i do?

yes
i admit
i am partly at blame
i let those things accumulate
sometimes i slacked a bit
i surfed the net
i took breaks in between
but you mean all this are not normal?
or u all just think that i am not hardworking enough?
if the things are not coming in big waves
you think i will purposely let anything accumulate?
am i that stupid to make my own life difficult for myself if i can help it?
do i not already know full well that only i can help myself?
did you all know i came back on weekends to do my things?
did you all know how afraid i was to take leaves or mc?
that when i am away from office, i am afraid what i have to complete when i am back?
but no
you all dont see
dont understand
dont ask
just assume
so many perceptions
and i
is tired already
really dont want to explain anymore

i applaud myself today
this time i swallow back the tears that threaten to roll
i felt unjust, infair
but i did not cry this time
yes
the old Amber is gone
and the new Amber need not prove anything or anyone right
because her conscience is clear

i really envy those who are still studying
yes i do
because other than the money i earn
many thing else are fake, even relationships,
i may be bias,
but i am just saying all this from my point of view
from what i am experiencing now
if you had a better working experience, then good for you.

i got so much more to say
i am angry yes
but anger was took over by disappointment then by dejection
i need this job now
but if i could, i am 200% sure
nothing can hold me back anymore...
xoxo, Amber ♥
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