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一百天, 100th day, hyaku ban...
Tuesday, February 17, 2009 at 10:34 PM
3 and 1/3 months
a hundred days
2400 hours
.
.
.
a letter to you....

dear grandpa,
can you see me from where you are now?

its been a while
just a couple of months ago
since we lost you.
passed away, departed, died.


now,
instead of talking to you
we are burning incense to you
instead of laughing with you
we are praying to you
it had become something that we were forced to get used to
not something that we chose to.

i, we, still miss you
especially during CNY
see-ing grandma all alone.

i still remember, you always spoke to us in mandarin
and grandma in hokkien
so sometimes you got to act as our translater
i still remember, your smile, your laughters
i still remember, how you will always find sweets to give us when we were younger
i still remember you asking us if we had eaten
but i am afraid that i am also slowly forgetting you
afraid that i forget how you look like
forget how your voice sounds like
i dont want to
we lost you too early, too fast
i had my own regrets.

i suddenly remember how you used to pronounce my name
a bit of slang
a bit out of tune
i hope you are still proud of me
i got so many things to say
but then again, you arent here to listen anymore
so theres no point now then isnt it?

grandpa,
i am flying to hong kong this friday
how i hope i can tell you this in person
tell you that i will bring things back for you and grandma
and listen to what you have to say
be it asking me to becareful or have a fun trip
but
i got no chance now anymore...

i am sorry, i cried again..
dont worry about me/us grandpa
we will be good
hope you are too

love, Qianru
xoxo, Amber ♥
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