<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d34267377\x26blogName\x3dAmber+%E2%99%A5\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://memydreamxmylife.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://memydreamxmylife.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d7867543361986652106', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe", messageHandlersFilter: gapi.iframes.CROSS_ORIGIN_IFRAMES_FILTER, messageHandlers: { 'blogger-ping': function() {} } }); } }); </script>


Monday, May 05, 2008 at 4:17 AM
its kinda insane but i cant sleep and i cant concentrate on the movie
so here i am again

had some nagging worries on the back of my mind
and the main one is about my weight
somehow i am getting insecure over it
i know many will say that i am already so skinny but somehow i felt fat
it kinda scares me for i never felt so strongly this way before
i hope i arent walking onto the path of aneroxism >.<
BUT theres this feeling of guilt which haunts me whenever i eat
yes.. WHENEVER...
and its frightening :(
when i look into the mirror
many a time i had to assure myself that i look alright
but many a time i felt more distraught after convincing myself that i am just denying the truth
there were times i skip some meals and i felt better conscientiously but my gastric will come back
then there were times when i just cant stop snacking and had to console myself that its okay
somehow i rather have gastric than to eat
its very bad isnt it?
a lot of times i have to mentally go through a list of what i had consume in the day and tell myself that i didnt really eat a lot anyway
i always thought of going for a jog or exercise
but many of those times i succumb to procrastinations/excuses and maybe just tiredness >.<
so the next best solution is to cut down and cut down on my intake
but when dad cook dinner..especially fried rice...i just can resist the temptation :(

i dont what to do
i dont know if what i am feeling is right
the insecurities
the idea of fat when half of me felt it wasnt true but the other half felt strongly about
its a dilemma
an internal struggle
i wonder if i am trying hard to be myself or trying hard to be someone who would be accepted by the norms

i think i am surrendering to my inferiority complex
and its freaking me out :(
xoxo, Amber ♥
0 Comments
(Post a Comment)
P.S. Just need a Click from you if there is any Nuffnang ad showing :D