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Sunday, October 12, 2008 at 11:59 AM
i feel lost again
what do you really want babe?
pick and choose
and no you cant take them all

:(
many things are wrong
i have to set them right
but i do not have the answer
or maybe i dont have the courage to make the decision
what if i am wrong again
what if history repeats itself
theres so many what ifs
so much unsure
loads of questions
and i cant even answer the simplest of them all
what am i afraid of?
i dont know!
failure?
why am i always choosing others and not myself
why am i hurting for someone else
i am sad
i am angry
i am happy
then the cycle goes on and on, again and again
i cant break through
even though i know the way
i dont even know what i want anymore
i dont even know why i am doing what i am doing
i dont know what will happen next
life to me now its just a day by day
yesterday today and tomorrow
i am living them for the sake that time will go on, with or without me
i am living for the moments when i am happy
i feel like dying when the moments arent here or are gone
i am typing whatever that hits my brain at the moment
i refuses to think
my head hurts
i feel like going jogging now
but its really hot outside
i need to pay the bills
the fucking internet & phone bills that builds up to $300
cause i keep forgetting abt them for the past 3 months
i need to return the library book that is dued today
i feel like being alone
i feel like dressing up
at least it will make me happy for a while
i want to go shopping
i want to splurge
i want to doing something crazy
i want to sing
my fingers and toes are peeling
my mani and pedi are going 2 weeks old le
i have so many pictures to upload!!
but my memory card isnt with me but with sk

http://odorikoya.livejournal.com/9614.html#cutid1 -- support sk!! collection 13 (my fav number)
i am once again her model :))
love the shoots we did this time
and i did them all in a damn public place
jurong point =.=
and sk got laugh by blanga
lols
ok
the memory of yesterday broke my emo-ness :)
please get a SLR soon sk!!!
then u want to take anywhere i also ok :D
hahas
met raymond coincidentally
that boy is really growing tall!!
but he look old and me look young!!
hahas
i tink he looks like the 20year old and me the 18year old :p
dinnered with xiang, sk, jennifer, shuhui, weihoong & jannah
fish & co
xiang going aussie today so its a farewell dinner
i got pictures!!
but mem card with sk :x
have a safe trip xiang!!
we gonna missed you when u are in aussieland
take cares of yourself
and dont be silly
i aint angry or what with you
you are always my dearest son
maybe time will pull us apart
but the link is always there
lets meet up again when u are back ok
one month will fly :D
next stop
the manhattan fish market :D

and
emo-ness sets me writing~~

sometimes i feel stupid
sometimes i feel love
sometimes i feel like i am stepping into the wrong territory
sometimes i feel that i dont mind being wrong
sometimes i want to shout out loud
sometimes i want to scream
sometimes i want to slap myself awake
sometimes i want to be banished into lalaland forever
sometimes i thought that i could stop anything from going wrong
sometimes i thought that i am in control
sometimes i thought that its ok as long as everyone is fine
sometimes i thought that its better that hurt, i am the only one
sometimes tears cascade down with no control
sometimes anger flares at the slightest row
sometimes sadness floods one heart
sometimes happiness and me seem so far apart
sometimes love seems so near and yet so far
sometimes sorrow leads me to the nearest bar
sometimes hurt rips my heart into two
sometimes affections treat me like a fool
sometimes confusion took the lead
sometimes missing you is all i did
sometimes feelings push me through
sometimes morality make me stick to the rules
sometimes guilt stops me at my track
sometimes regret encourages me to take another step
sometimes jealousy closes in
sometimes rationality refuses to take the hint
sometimes dreams make me smile
sometimes reality hits and i got to frown

- copyrighted, Amber

*sigh*
my mind is in a whirl
snap out of it my dear!!!
xoxo, Amber ♥
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