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Wednesday, April 23, 2008 at 7:49 AM
if this entry had been entered last night
its would most prob sounds super vulgar and harsh and full of anger

prob will start with "fuck" & "fuckers" and stuffs like that for a quarter of the page before anything else is contributed

but my bro used my com till late last night =.=
so i fell asleep after too much resentment and letting go too much tears

now that i am reminded
i have been tearing a lot lately
saturday
monday
and yesterday
i am such a crybaby...

anyways
whatever that is left of yesterday's anger was
disappointment
betrayal
more disappointments
and hate

now that they have drawn the line so clear
i realise that i am the naive fool all along
ha
i laugh at my own foolishness
now what yanling says before make all sense "colleagues will always be colleagues, never friends"
now that i learned through the hard way
how the corporate world works
they never forgive and forget
they forgive and wait till things happen den they bring out all the past mistakes and throw everything to you at once
yesterday i got my first..or maybe not..taste of betrayal
all the accusations
suddenly i just felt so alone
or maybe i always had been alone
just that i am stupid enough to think that i am in the team

i dont deny that i use office hours to do personal things
but for how long only?
need things blow out to such a big proportion?
come on la
the backlogs arent even caused by me in the first place...

the bottomline is i received a warning letter from agency
and i felt no use in appealing against whatever things that i felt i was accused of
for it doesnt make my life any better
for now
i shall focus on clearing my stuffs
LIKE A ROBOT
like what they want me to
and no
i cant even click at the internet icon
i think i have to delete the shortcut

i still got 4min before i have to leave the house
and i so dont want to go to work :(
i tink i cried too much
feel very tired now and eyes were swollen..

dont know how to face them also
or maybe just her

i couldnt face someone i hate with a smile
i never could
i feel super hypocrite

or maybe i should just go along with the flow
see what happen next
in whatever the case
thy will prove to them that i can meet the deadline
be it i have to come back over the weekends or OT till i die
30 Apr it will be

or and did i mention they never consider that i actually have a life and i have lessons, homework and exams?

nahx
i think i wont stay on for very long
what for?
when they never see my efforts but just all my mistakes...
maybe the same thing will happen sooner or later in a new environment
but at least i am on the same ground as all my colleagues
there is no line drawn between barclays and me
for i am an outsource
never their headcount

i think i still deserve to scold this..
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FUCK OFF LA

now i feel so much better......
xoxo, Amber ♥
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